3 Ways to Support your Significant Officer

Law enforcement marriages have a 68% divorce rate within the United States and many officers are experiencing marital and dating strife on top of all the issues they face every day on the job. I often hear the same complaints over and over again by many of my clients, but one of the most common is:

“ They don’t get it “

Many of my clients feel like their partners just don’t get the stress, negativity, and pressures of the job. This issue, if not addressed can be very damaging to the relationship and lead to feelings of resentment and anger on both sides.

You don’t need to “get it “ to be supportive

With any relationship, there is a level of understanding between each partner about what the other’s day looks like and how it may affect their feelings, motivations, and mood. This element is crucial to a relationship with someone in law enforcement, because their day is so far beyond what would be considered “ normal” for the average person.

You don’t need to necessarily understand the everyday aspects of the job to be supportive of the way it may be effecting your partner. I often tell my clients that the reason their partner doesn’t “get it”, is because they can’t possibly “get it”, unless they have done it.  There is NO way to fully understand what it is like to be in this industry unless you have done it, and the expectation that your partner understand that is unrealistic.

There is a way to support your partner while not being fully aware of the aspects of the job that are creating the situation. Support is not always about understanding the problem, but providing the love and support to help make the problem manageable.

Listening is more important than solving

If someone you love is struggling, your first reaction is to try to fix the problem. This is not always the

 best way to provide support. Sometimes your partner just needs to vent; to get all the anger, negativity, and frustration out. They don’t want you to fix it, or give them solutions, they just want you to listen to them vent.

This is hard to do. Listening to your partner vent about all the issues they are experiencing and being unable to do anything to fix them, is really hard. The love you feel for them makes you want to do anything and everything you can to help and knowing that you can’t can make you feel helpless.

They thing to remember is that by listening, you are helping. The best thing you can do is give your partner a safe place to vent, without judgement and without comment. They don’t need you to fix things for them, they just want to be able to share with you all the feelings they have and know that you are there to be the sounding block.

Know the signs

Often times your partner may not be able to share with you every aspect of the job and the problems they are facing. Knowing the signs that they are struggling and in need of support even when they are not able to tell you what is going on will make the world of difference to you relationship. Some of the signs to be aware of are:

• Trouble sleeping

• Fatigue

• Moodiness

• Lack of appetite

• Withdrawn

• Preoccupied

When you notice that your partner is struggling, sometimes all it takes is a small gesture to show them that you are there for them and that you love them. A hug, a nice dinner, or a night out can give them the boost they need. Support comes in many forms and knowing how to best support your partner will make them more effective in their job and will keep your relationship from ending up like the other 68 % of officer marriages.